1
00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:20,480
Not bad.

2
00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:24,480
For a newb.

3
00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:29,720
Cheat!

4
00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:33,560
You're a stuck pig, lad.

5
00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:34,600
Rude.

6
00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:36,040
Come on.

7
00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:38,880
On your feet.

8
00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:42,240
Look, am I here for a reason?

9
00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:44,360
As you know...

10
00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:46,240
..I am your spirit guide.

11
00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:48,840
And although the ancient laws
prohibit Sean Bean

12
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:52,840
from interfering
in the affairs of men...

13
00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:55,720
..I've laid on a treat for you.

14
00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:58,160
Call it an early birthday present.

15
00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:00,160
Are we going to Comic-Con together?

16
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:02,800
I'm not going to Comic-Con,
we'll get fucking mobbed!

17
00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:04,560
No.

18
00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:07,120
It's time you took a wench
to the barn.

19
00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:08,280
Sorry, what?

20
00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:10,400
You know, put your custard
in the pudding.

21
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:11,680
Stew your mutton.

22
00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:15,600
Are these metaphors?

23
00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:17,960
Pounce a peacock.  Right,
you're just saying words now.

24
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:19,800
Look...

25
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:21,880
it's time you lost
your virginity, lad.

26
00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:25,880
I had sex with Angelique
on my French exchange.

27
00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:33,040
Sheathe your sword.

28
00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:34,560
Right, there you go again.

29
00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:38,080
I mean, do you mean that literally,
or is that another dig?

30
00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:42,080
I don't know - both.

31
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:58,080
Oh, Skyscanner's got
a flight to South Korea.

32
00:01:58,080 --> 00:01:59,640
Is that the dictator one?

33
00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:00,760
Gangnam Style one.

34
00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:02,640
Oh, I like that video.

35
00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:04,320
Maybe I'll go to South Korea.

36
00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:05,840
You think you'll make it, though?

37
00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:08,360
I mean, you didn't make it
to India. Or London.

38
00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,960
Or the Co-op.

39
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:14,640
So, I was supposed to go to
this sex party with a holy man

40
00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:16,440
and this girl we met on Snapchat,

41
00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,320
but she can't make it
because she's pregnant

42
00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:20,360
and she doesn't want to
run into any of the "dads",

43
00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:23,600
so there's a spare ticket
and we thought...

44
00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:26,280
Morph, early birthday present?

45
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,520
ANGELIC CHORUS

46
00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:30,000
Early birthday present.
Good way to lose your V plates.

47
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:32,680
Alison - Angelique, French exchange.

48
00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:34,720
Right, so we're all still...

49
00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:35,760
That's still open?

50
00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:39,760
I will come to this party to
continue my adult sexual adventure.

51
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:41,400
Sorted.

52
00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:42,960
So what is this sex party?

53
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:45,720
Big mansion, guest-list only,
anyone can have sex with anyone.

54
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:47,440
Anyone?  Anyone.

55
00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:49,680
ANGELIC CHORUS

56
00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:50,920
I would have invited everyone,

57
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:53,240
but obviously thought
that would be weird for...

58
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:57,240
Pfft!  Pfft!  Pfft!  Pfft!  Pfft!

59
00:02:57,560 --> 00:02:59,560
THEY GUFFAW

60
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:00,960
Why would that be weird?

61
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:02,400
Well, because, you two...

62
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:03,600
Yeah, but it didn't mean anything.

63
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,520
And Kent went straight
to Bristol after, so...

64
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:09,520
Yeah, and Sarah didn't even stop me,
or try and call me for a year, so...

65
00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,800
OK, so, not weird at all.

66
00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:16,680
Might be weird for him.
Might be weird for her.

67
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,960
OK, I'll get the holy man
to put you on the guest list.

68
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:22,960
Here's a picture of Angelique.

69
00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:24,920
That's just an image search.

70
00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:28,920
For sexy French girl.
Yeah, and she came up first, so...

71
00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:30,200
Gorgeous.

72
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:31,440
Yeah.

73
00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:35,440
So, what do we wear
to a sex party anyway?

74
00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:07,880
Fucking hell!

75
00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:10,520
OK. Next stop, sex party!

76
00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:12,840
Before we set off - ground rules.

77
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:14,680
What, like no kissing on the mouth?

78
00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:15,920
Mate, it's not Pretty Woman.

79
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,280
Oh, so you have seen
Pretty Woman, Kent?  Fuck!

80
00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:20,600
How about, between us,
no direct contact?

81
00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:23,120
Let's say indirect contact only.

82
00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:24,840
Like contact through another person.

83
00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:26,320
Shall we say two people?

84
00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:28,920
Yeah.  That seems logical, yeah.

85
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:32,160
And whatever happens in there,
we never talk about it again, ever.

86
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:33,560
Like if someone walks in,

87
00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:36,040
and I'm wearing a strap-on
pegging some dude,

88
00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:39,120
you can't rag on me
about it for ever.

89
00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:40,760
You're into pegging?

90
00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:42,640
No, I was just using that
as an example.

91
00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:44,320
It came to you pretty quick,
though, didn't it?

92
00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:47,440
Oh, I've got one.
I don't want to see anyone's O face.

93
00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:48,880
That goes without saying.

94
00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,880
What if it happens
by accident, Alison?  Erm...

95
00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:54,280
Right, another rule -
you and me, never in the same room.

96
00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:57,480
If I were you...

97
00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:01,480
..I'd steer clear of room 42.

98
00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:05,720
Why? What happens in room 42?

99
00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:09,720
You come face-to-face with
who you really are.

100
00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:27,440
Condoms.

101
00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:28,680
Femidoms.

102
00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:31,040
Covering all the angles.

103
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,160
Protein bars.  For recovery.

104
00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:37,160
Verruca sock?
In case there's a wet room.

105
00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:39,000
Four cans of energy drink.

106
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,280
I don't know how long
it's going to be.

107
00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:45,280
Sudoku?  There might be
a waiting area.

108
00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:52,040
Why do you have a knife?
For the, er, oysters.

109
00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:58,040
Behave yourself.

110
00:05:58,040 --> 00:06:02,040
Fine.

111
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,080
This is just his ticket
printed out again.

112
00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:06,160
Oh, what, does that not work...?

113
00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:07,960
Of course that doesn't fucking work!

114
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:09,520
For fuck's sake!

115
00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:13,000
I was really looking forward to
having sex with all them strangers.

116
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,440
Not as much as I was.

117
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:16,000
Or with as many of them.

118
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,600
I'll handle this. Hey, let them in.

119
00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:22,080
I'm not going into a sex party
without my sister.

120
00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:26,080
Mate, just go in. This is weird.

121
00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:34,400
Well, I bet you're bloody relieved.

122
00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:35,840
What are you talking about?

123
00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:38,120
Well, it works out well
for you, doesn't it?

124
00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:39,880
You get to say
you're going to do something

125
00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:41,200
and then don't actually do it.

126
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:42,840
Like...

127
00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:44,280
India.

128
00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:47,160
Kent, India and group sex
are completely different.

129
00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:49,040
Not according to my uncle.

130
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,160
If I'd have gone in there,

131
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,440
I would have had the biggest
fucking orgy of my life,

132
00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:53,640
and you'd have bottled it.

133
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,600
No, I would have marched right
into the middle of that orgy

134
00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:57,520
and fucking nailed it.  Ha!

135
00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:59,480
Bullshit!
Kent, what do you want me to do,

136
00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:03,480
you want me to break in
and prove it?

137
00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:12,760
What are you doing?

138
00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:14,480
I'm wiping for fingerprints.

139
00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:16,480
What? In case the sex police come?

140
00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:19,760
Hello?

141
00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:21,880
Hello?

142
00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:25,880
I need some help,
can you let me out?

143
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,800
Fucking hell!

144
00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:31,760
I think I've been forgotten about.

145
00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:34,360
Can you let me out?

146
00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:35,480
Yeah, sure.

147
00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:36,960
Don't fucking do it!

148
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:39,080
Huh?  It's part of the game.

149
00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:43,080
I'm pleading.  All right, then, bye.

150
00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:45,920
That's it. Can you leave
the doors open, please?

151
00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:47,320
What are you fucking doing?

152
00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:51,320
Fuck's sake!

153
00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:05,040
OK, last chance to back out.

154
00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:06,760
I'm not backing out.
Unless you're backing out.

155
00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:07,840
I'm not backing out.

156
00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,160
Yeah, good, co I'm not either.

157
00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:11,800
I'm getting some sex.
Yeah, me too.

158
00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:15,800
(Good.)

159
00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:26,160
MUSIC: Return of the Mack
by Mark Morrison

160
00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:46,040
Oh, made it in, then?

161
00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:48,000
Is this it?  Oh, no.

162
00:08:48,000 --> 00:09:00,000
There's also a buffet.

163
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:59,000
MUSIC: Oh Carolina
by Shaggy

164
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:10,840
Drummers are still warm.

165
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:14,840
Oh, come on, mate, not in the dip.

166
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:17,520
Where's holy man?  Mingling.

167
00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:18,960
HE GRUNTS

168
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:20,960
I barely see him at these things.

169
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:24,920
He gets massive FOMO, so he works
out his timetable beforehand.

170
00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:27,200
I just meet him after for a Calippo.

171
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:30,840
So, Morph, want to hit
the mattresses?

172
00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:33,800
Oh, right.
Is that what we're doing then?

173
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,320
Well, that's why you're here,
isn't it?

174
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:40,320
Listen, before we go
into that dimly lit area,

175
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:42,880
I need to tell you something.

176
00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:46,240
It concerns my virginity,
and it may come as a bit of a shock.

177
00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:49,880
What, you have lost it?
No, I'm saying I haven't.

178
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:52,000
No.  No!  Shut the front door!

179
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,920
I did not expect that.

180
00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:56,760
Because it was
a very well constructed lie,

181
00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,320
and I'm sorry for deceiving you
so expertly.

182
00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:01,160
But what about Angelique?

183
00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:03,680
I'm sorry to say, I made her up.

184
00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:06,800
But what about all those e-mails
you've been showing us

185
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:08,640
for the past eight years?  Fake.

186
00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:12,360
I hoodwinked you all.  But that
would mean you'd have to set up

187
00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:15,320
a fake e-mail address,
send yourself e-mails,

188
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:19,320
then reply to yourself
over and over again for eight years.

189
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:22,200
Which is why you were all
so convinced.

190
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:24,200
And I feel bad about it.

191
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:25,560
I don't think you need to, mate.

192
00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:26,800
The truth is...

193
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:30,320
I've never given away my flower...

194
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:34,320
..because I wanted my first time
to be with someone special.

195
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:39,000
Maybe I can help with that.

196
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:42,800
MUSIC: I Don't Want To Wait
by Paula Cole

197
00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:44,600
Cos everyone here
is really up for it.

198
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,160
And they've already had
the menopause, so, low risk.

199
00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:51,000
Yeah, makes sense.

200
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:52,160
Come on.

201
00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:55,160
CRACK
Take it, you dirty slag.

202
00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,360
GRUNTING

203
00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:01,360
Have it, you mucky bastard!
CRACK

204
00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:03,520
Would you like some of that?

205
00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:05,480
Oh, yes!

206
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:09,480
I don't know, is there anything
a bit less...spanky.  Not really.

207
00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:12,640
I don't really understand
the process.

208
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:16,640
Do you have sex after the spanking,
or is the spanking, like, a test?

209
00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:18,200
You won't know unless you try.

210
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:21,240
This is my virginity we're talking
about, not Dr Pepper!

211
00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:25,240
Get involved.  All right.

212
00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:28,680
Er, excuse me.

213
00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:30,480
Is there a queue?
Or...or is it a number...

214
00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:34,480
You do exactly what I say, maggot.

215
00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:36,120
Mr Rogerson?

216
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:38,720
Man alive, Paul Durkin?

217
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:41,080
I haven't seen you since...

218
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:42,640
GCSE geography.

219
00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:45,040
How are you?

220
00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:48,200
Yeah, good. I mean,
I feel a bit weird right now.

221
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:52,200
I remember you did the best oxbow
lake coursework I've ever read.

222
00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:54,240
Oh, thank you, sir.

223
00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:57,840
I spent the whole summer on that, I
mean, I can't believe you remember.

224
00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:00,680
You don't forget when a boy hands in
a CD-ROM!

225
00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:02,120
So, you're still teaching?

226
00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:05,560
No, no, got into a bit of bother
with that.

227
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:08,200
I'm a postman now.

228
00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:10,440
Right.  You had a sister, didn't you?

229
00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:12,280
Very pretty. Is she here?

230
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,320
She...died.

231
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:16,080
CRACK, GROANING

232
00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:18,240
Don't look for her.

233
00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:21,560
Go, go, go!

234
00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:24,520
Have it, you dirty cow!

235
00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,800
So Mr Rogerson's a perv.

236
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:30,160
Yep, turns out it's always the ones
you do suspect.

237
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,640
Well, we can always try
the sploshing chamber.

238
00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:35,120
Alison, I don't think
this is working out.

239
00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:37,680
Excuse me. Can one of you untie me?

240
00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:40,880
Mate, we've heard about you. We know
you don't want us to untie you.

241
00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:43,200
I know I said that.
But that was an hour ago.

242
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:45,240
It's really cutting off
my circulation.

243
00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:46,800
He's quite convincing, isn't he?

244
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,360
You're overthinking this.

245
00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:50,120
We just need to get you shagged.

246
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:52,240
No, this whole party isn't working
for me.

247
00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:55,280
I want...romance, some ceremony.

248
00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:57,040
I can't feel my balls.

249
00:12:57,040 --> 00:13:00,160
I don't think you're going to find
that here.

250
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,160
I might do if I was with yo..

251
00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:03,240
Fucking hell!

252
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,680
No, wait, I didn't mean...
Check out that lot.

253
00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:09,680
CHANTING MUSIC

254
00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:20,000
You're not going to get
much more ceremonious than that.

255
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,720
Hmmm,

256
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:24,840
it does look a bit less spanky.

257
00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:28,840
Go on. Enjoy yourself.

258
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:34,560
See what they're up to.

259
00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:39,760
Please, help me.

260
00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:41,120
You need a safe word, mate.

261
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:42,760
I have got a safe word, it's tomato.

262
00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:46,760
Tomato!  All right, all right.

263
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,200
What the fuck are you doing?
You said tomato.

264
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:50,560
It's not the real safe word.

265
00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:52,160
Well, what's the real one?

266
00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:54,880
You'll never hear me say it.

267
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:58,880
MUSIC: Turn Down for What
by DJ Snake and Lil Jon

268
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:07,760
MOANING

269
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:10,640
The drink tokens only cover
house white and Lilt,

270
00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:14,640
so I got two of each.
Oh, the old Yeovil martini.

271
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:19,120
So...? We're just going to
neck these and then...

272
00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:23,120
..get on it.  Yes.

273
00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:26,880
Do you reckon any younger people are
going to turn up?  I really hope so.

274
00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:29,560
Hey.  Where have you been?

275
00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:31,480
Room 39.

276
00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:35,480
MUSIC: Ironic
by Alanis Morissette

277
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:39,160
All right, fucknots.

278
00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:42,240
Where's Morph? Did he find a room
full of imaginary French girls?

279
00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,480
No, he went in this weird room
upstairs

280
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:47,000
with all these eyes wide shut peeps.
Oh, no.

281
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:50,000
Room 42.

282
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:54,000
CHANTING

283
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:04,000
GONG STRIKES

284
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:17,280
Hello.

285
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:29,000
Fucking hell!

286
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:34,320
Who are you?  My name is Angelica.

287
00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:36,040
Kind of like a...

288
00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:37,520
English Angelique.

289
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:38,760
Mm-hm.

290
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:42,760
If it pleases.

291
00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:44,760
Sorry, we are in process.

292
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:47,160
I can't let you in at this time.

293
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,720
Or you, ever.

294
00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:52,400
Fair enough, yeah.  Room 42 adheres
to a strict set of rules

295
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,360
that we take very seriously.

296
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:58,360
THEY SNIGGER

297
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,760
Are you laughing at my...penis?

298
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:05,760
No.  No.

299
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:10,080
What about my penis
do you find funny?

300
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:14,600
I mean, it's disproportionately
large for your frame.

301
00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:18,320
It kind of waggles up and down
when you tell us off.

302
00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:19,920
And it is a bit of a horse cock,
mate.

303
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:22,600
Right, so we're playing
silly buggers, are we?

304
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:25,560
Please leave or I'll be forced
to call the dungeon Master.

305
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:28,600
All right, listen, Voldermort, we're
not in fucking Hogwarts, right.

306
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:30,280
We're ten minutes outside of Yeovil,

307
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:34,280
so can you please open
that fucking door?

308
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:38,680
Where's your wristband?

309
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:44,360
Spliff?  Spliff.

310
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:55,440
Feels nice.

311
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:59,440
Good.  I should probably tell you,
it's my first time.

312
00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:01,640
Mine too.

313
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:05,000
GONG STRIKES

314
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,400
They're pretty synchronised.

315
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,560
Ssh!  Sorry.

316
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:11,520
So, what happens next?

317
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:15,520
Kneel down with me.

318
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,040
Close your eyes.

319
00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:25,240
OK.

320
00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:29,240
And also your mouth.  What?

321
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:34,480
Argh! No, no, no, no!

322
00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:38,480
Argh! Argh! Argh!

323
00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:42,520
Hey, be honest. Do you think
if you stayed in there,

324
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,080
you'd've actually had sex?

325
00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:47,920
I want to say no, but I haven't had
a shag in fucking ages.

326
00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:50,120
Maybe if there were more
drink tokens.

327
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:52,720
Oh, right, so you didn't have sex
with dread head?

328
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:56,720
Only petting.
What about the bat man?

329
00:17:57,240 --> 00:18:00,680
Nah, but that might be
because I stabbed him.

330
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,040
It's been pretty dry too,
for me, to be fair.

331
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,840
Since I got back.

332
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:07,880
But there were loads of girls
in Brazil, right?

333
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:11,880
Nada. I don't think
I've had sex since...

334
00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:23,920
Me too.

335
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:30,680
Kent...

336
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:34,680
Yeah.

337
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:40,760
Is that man wanking?

338
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:45,680
Mr Rogerson!

339
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:49,680
Kent Blackwell, how are you keeping?

340
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:53,680
Oi! Shoo! Get out of it.

341
00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:57,720
What the fuck happened to you?

342
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:58,960
I don't want to talk about it.

343
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:00,160
Morpheus got pissed on.

344
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,160
Oh, so we're just talking about it,
are we?

345
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:06,160
You got off lightly, mate.
When I was in room 42...

346
00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:10,680
I'm going to go back in.

347
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,880
Open the gates!

348
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:17,880
At least you can save it
for someone special.

349
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,320
Mate, put a towel down.

350
00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:23,200
I didn't bring a towel.
You brought fucking oysters!

351
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:27,200
There's one in the boot.

352
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:29,800
Me again.

353
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:33,800
Argh!

354
00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:38,480
Well, you win some, you lose some.

355
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,840
Is that all you've got
to say about it?

356
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:43,680
You do know six men pissed on me,
right?

357
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:47,200
Maybe there's a lesson in it.

358
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:50,720
What?  I don't know.

359
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:52,400
Be yourself?

360
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,200
Is that the best you've got?

361
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,640
You laid this on for me.
I thought you had a plan, Sean.

362
00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:59,840
I'm managing it from a distance,
I don't have boots on the ground.

363
00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:01,640
And remember...

364
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:03,920
I'm just your subconscious.

365
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:06,120
You've got to take
some responsibility.

366
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:10,120
No. Actually, I think you've got
to take some responsibility.

367
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:14,320
You what?  You've been
a shit spirit guide.

368
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,120
Now it's time I killed you.

369
00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:18,640
Killed me?

370
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:21,920
Come on, Sean Bean.

371
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:25,200
You die in everything.

372
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:29,200
Yeah. Fair enough.

373
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,560
Morpheus.  Yes.

374
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:41,880
Make it a clean strike.

375
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:43,880
I'll try my best.

376
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:46,280
But it's my first time, so...

377
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:50,280
You'll do fine.

378
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:10,480
CLANG

379
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:18,280
Ah!

380
00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:26,200
Sean Bean?

381
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:28,440
I just killed you.

382
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:32,440
One does not simply kill Sean Bean.

383
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:37,480
Oh, my God. Best day ever!

384
00:21:37,480 --> 00:22:04,000
Subtitles by Ericsson
Resync by Albandit and jonag

385
00:22:04,050 --> 00:22:08,600
Repair and Synchronization by
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